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Title: Beneath the hanging tree
Fandom: Marvel ultimate-verse
Pairing: Kurt/Logan Logan/Ororo
Rating: R
Author's Note: Because I think the Ultimate X-Men comics (and especially Nightcrawler) had a lot of potential before the writing went all to hell. So I wrote my own version of what happened after Xavier's death.
Disclaimer: They belong to marvel. Illustration found here: http://www.geocities.com/blackcrows_nest/judas.jpg
~Logan, we've found him.~ A quick jagged breath and I'm awake. Despite the fact that it's nowhere near morning and I haven't had a decent nights sleep in about a month, I open my eyes. There's no way I could sleep through Phoenix's mental summons anyway. Her voice in my head's like napalm to the brain. With the old man you never even knew he'd been in there, Jeannie leaves you feeling scorched from the inside out. I grit my teeth at the sensation and take a deep breath before answering. "I'm awake Jean," I answer, staring up at the faded tiles of the hotel ceiling without really seeing them. All the shit Weapon X did to my head makes me resistant to telepathy, speaking out loud makes it easier for both of us. ~He's stopped running.~ Her mental voice holds no trace of compassion, cold despite the edge of fire that's always there, waiting to surface. To her this is just another mission to complete. Another threat to eliminate. Makes no difference what that threat used to be to the team. Or to me. Then again, maybe that's why she decided he's such a threat in the first place. "Where?" I ask, cutting that thought off. Never a good idea to let your mind wander around a telepath. She gives me the address then makes me repeat back to her to make sure I got it right. No room for mistakes this time. ~Do what you have to Logan. I'll be waiting when you get back.~ Then she's gone, leaving me alone in the dark with my burnt up thoughts to try and figure out how the hell I'm supposed to do this.
It's gonna be a long night.
* * * * * * * *
The location Phoenix gave me is on the outskirts of town, an old abandoned factory that's so run down that even the vagrants avoid it. Dry, dead grass crunches under my boots as I look up at the dark bulk of the place, the air still crisp and chilled from the night before. I wait. Dawn's not far away, but I want the light on my side. We're about even when it comes to our night vision, but with that skin of his he's still got the upper hand. In the dark he could be standing right next to you and you'd never even see him. He chose a good spot for it. I'm not even inside and already the stale chemical reek of the place is giving me a headache. He knew who he'd be up against, knew it'd be me Jeanie would send after him. For this sorta thing, I'm still the best there is. I take a last drag of my cigar as the morning sun touches my back, leave my jacket with the bike, and follow my shadow to the door. The chemical smell gets stronger as I step inside, the door creaking on hinges long rusted through. I pause, trying to find his scent. It's weak but I can still make it out. Sulfur and the all too familiar scent of Kurt's fur weave a trail across the wreckage on the first floor before it cuts off at a set of rickety looking stairs against the back wall. I don't bother trying em, I already know he's cut the supports. Probably left something sharp and pointy underneath for me to fall into. It's what I woulda done, what they taught us to do. Circling around a small mountain of broken machinery I head towards the back to find another way up. There's a maze of busted equipment on the second floor, but under all the dust and chemical stains his scent is still strong, only a few hours old. The trail stops inside a dark little room off to the right. I know he's there before I see him, can hear his heart beating, smell the smoke on his breath from where he's hiding. No, not hiding. Just.. blending in. Calling it hiding implies he's doing it intentionally, but he's got no control of it. It's just part of what he is. "Hey elf." I say, my voice echoing a little too loudly around me. "Hello Logan" his disembodied voice answers before a bit of shadow separates from the rest to step out into the light. There's a moment when I still can't see him, the hunter in me's too busy taking his measure, eyeing him up, checking for weaknesses. No visible weapons, not that he really needs one. He still moves like he used to, fluid and graceful, not a single motion wasted. I don't know if Weapon X did it to him, or if it's just another part of the whole weird blue mutant thing. Maybe both. Either way he hasn't lost his edge over the last few years. If anything he's gotten sharper. But as for the rest of him.. "Shit Kurt, you look like hell." There hadn't been much to the guy before, but from the looks of it there's even less now. The baggy sweater he's wearing hangs off his lean frame and the jeans he's got on are barely staying up around his narrow waist. His hair's longer than I remember too; hanging down in ragged spikes over his sharp features. He used to be so fastidious about it, almost catlike in his attention to grooming. Guess he doesn't care what he looks like anymore. Looking back up I meet his gaze and try to see past the glowing yellow eyes, try to see what's going on behind them. He seems pretty calm so far, fairly lucid compared to last few times I've seen him. Maybe Jeannie's got it wrong this time. "Have you missed me Logan?" he asks, his voice still smooth, though deeper than I remember it being. He's not the boy he used to be and it puts a weird knot in my stomach to realize it. He would have been a beautiful man in a few years. I don't have a good answer to his question and the silence stretches out between us, the factory air still and stale as the sun creeps farther into the room. It's Kurt that finally breaks the silence. He's never been able to stay still for long and now's no exception. The dust underfoot swirls up into the sunlight as he shifts uneasily and strides towards the window, watching me out of the corner of his eye. "I thought she might send you" Of course she sent me, she knows I'm the only one he'll let get this close to him. I'm the only one he's ever let get close, even before all this shit happened. I nod, wishing I could light up a cigar. Instead I clear my throat and say, "You know you can't keep doing this." "Vhy not?" Kurt asks, cocking his head to the side in an oddly innocent gesture. Christ he looks young when he does that. It's easy to forget when you know what he's done, when you look into those eyes too old for such a young face, but he's still just as young as the rest of Xaviers kids, barely into his twenties. "You can't tell me zat any of them deserved to live." He's got a point and part of me agrees with him. Bigots and murderers, all of them. Monsters who'd spent their lives terrorizing innocents whose only crime was being born different. Part of me wishes that I'd been the one to stop them. I tell those parts to shut the hell up. Start thinking like that and no matter how high the body count climbs the killing never stops. At least not on its own. "Don't matter what they did, they got as much right to live as the rest of us." That argument's too easy, doesn't even get a reaction from him. It woulda before, he used to be real hard core about all that religious shit. Prayed all the time, drove me nuts clicking away with those damn beads. Not just on Sundays either, he really believed it. Now I don't know what he believes in. I go on anyway. "You know they rioted after you offed that senator?" I lean back against the doorframe and cross my arms, make myself relax even though my claws are itching under my skin. He looks surprised; guess he doesn't get CNN in here. "Naw, course not, you didn't have to stick around and clean up the mess. They killed two mutants before we stopped em. Our own kind." That hits a little closer to home, I can tell in the hard set of his mouth, the way his tail twitches behind him. "Not to mention what you're doing to the rest of us. You know you got half the mutant population going into hiding? Anybody looks a little weird and they're scared to show their faces. Might get mistaken for you and get shot as a terrorist. Is that what you wanted to do Kurt? Put a little more innocent blood on your hands? Thought you'd have had enough of that with Weapon X." "Stop!" Kurt barks finally, eyes blazing. He's growling under his breath now, puffing out smoke like a chimney. The smoke on his breath gets thicker when he's upset. He'll have lung cancer by the time he's thirty and he doesn't even know why they did it to him. After what Weapon X did to me I'll probably live forever, and I don't know why either. Funny how things work out. He makes an angry little snarling noise and turns towards the window, his tail lashing out hard behind him. I take it as a good sign. He hasn't tried to go after me yet, and he's listening. Didn't think I'd get this far, and if I can reach him even a little… I take a step forward, pressing my advantage. "Stop this shit elf. Come back with me, we'll figure this out. We can get you real help this time. Jeanie'll.." His harsh laughter interrupts me as he shakes his dark head. "Oh of course. Jean. Xavier's precious little protégé. And just vhat is her plan? Put me back in a coma? The last batch of brainwashing didn't take, but maybe a few more months vill? Logan… I can't go back to zat." He looks back over his shoulder and the fierce glare on his face softens just a little. For a second he's looking at me like he used to, hesitant and lost and turning to the only other person who could possibly understand. "You know vhat zey did to us, vhat zey left in our heads. I'd rather die than go back to zat" I know he means it. Out here he can try and forget what they made him do, what they did to him. Ain't easy to make a killer. Torture, violence, dehumanization on a scale most people can't even imagine, until something in you just… snaps. Leaves you so broken it doesn't matter who they send you to kill or what they make you do, you never feel anything but numb. At least until you close your eyes and the accusing faces of the dead rush up to greet you. You don't get over shit like that, no matter how far you run from it. Kurt ran to Xaviers, and the old man turned on him. Locked him up in his own head in an endless nightmare of his own memories. And unlike me, Kurt doesn't forget. "Elf it's not like that anymore. Nobody was thinking straight back then, you know that. Xavier was in all our heads and we never knew. Couldn't know till the old man died, he wouldn't let us. It's different with Jeannie, she'll listen to ya. We'll find a way to help you." He looks down and when he speaks again he sounds nothing but tired. "I can't go back vith you Logan. I can't let them put me back in a cage. Not again" I shake my head, taking a wary step closer. "Naw kid, we ain't gonna put you back in a cage" He lifts a hand to rub the tattoo on his arm, another familiar gesture that leaves me feeling sick to my stomach. If there's even a little of my friend left in there… Christ, there's things even I can't do. "We know what you're trying to do elf…" I go on, hoping this sounds as convincing as I'm trying to make it. Talking's never been my strong point, but I ain't about to stop now. "Ya just can't do it like this. We'll find a way, Jeannie's working on recruiting new mutants, strong ones. She wants to start the team up again. It'll be just like it was before." He's looking at me with those sad eyes again and I know he wants to say yes, wants to come back to the only family he's got anymore. Just a little push... "Come back with me. It'll be just like old times. Me, you, Pryde's still up in Vancouver, Ororo.." He jerks like I hit him. Shit. Shouldn't have mentioned Ororo. When he turns back to me any trace of the old Kurt's gone from his expression, along with any chance I had of reasoning with him. "I'm not going vith you Logan." He says, his voice a too rigid calm, " Zis is not Jean's problem, or your concern. Go back to the mansion. I'm sure there's some flatscan out zere that'll stop me for you." He's so cold, looking at me like I'm a stranger, like there was never anything between us. And that really pisses me off. I make my share of mistakes, I ain't gonna argue with that, but I don't pretend like they don't exist. Especially when I'm the only one he's got left on his side. "Damn it Kurt, I'm not going to leave you like this!" "You Already Did!!!" Fuck. "Kurt, that ain't got nothing to do with this. Me and 'Ro.." His angry hiss cuts me off as he bares his fangs at me, a purely instinctual reaction he would have hidden in the past, and doesn't even notice anymore. "I don't vant your excuses Logan. I know vhy you did it. Just look at us. She's beautiful, perfect. Normal. And me... I'm a freak." Between the hissing and his accent I can barely understand the words he's yelling, but I don't need to. I know what he's saying and I know he's right. Knew it from the start and did it anyway. A guy like me doesn't get a chance at normal very often. So I took what I could get. Kurt's looking at me like he wants me to say something but I don't, and he looks away, shaggy hair hanging down over haunted eyes. When he speaks again he's back to being eerily calm, which is almost as bad as his anger. "I tried to fix it Logan. I tried to do what vas right. I couldn't be vith you but..I found a girl, ve vere going to start a family, be normal. Just like you vanted me to Logan, just like zey all vanted me to… " his head snaps up and he hisses again, eyes narrowing to thin yellow slits. "And all of you still took it from me!!! You stole my life and locked me up again! Just like zem!!" I've gotta yell just to get a word in. "Damn it Kurt! Allison wasn't your life! You fucking kidnapped her!" Then suddenly that fragile calm breaks and he's up in my face, smoke in my eyes and his hands fisting in my shirt. "No she vasn't my life" he growls, low and dangerous. "I didn't know it zen, but I know it now." He gives me a shove, flashing sharp fangs in a humorless smile. "Allison, Zose people.. vhat happened.. None of it matters now. This isn't about ze killing. It's so much bigger than all of zat." His tail's twitching, jerking erratically back and forth as he goes on, "I never understood it, vhy me? Vhy vould God do zis to me, leave me in zat terrible place and take so much.." he trails off, lost for a moment to his memories, then he blinks and keeps going like nothing happened, his voice soft and distant and creepy as fuck. "I found my purpose Logan. I finally figured it out." He smiles and it's all fang, all the sweet innocence I used to love gone without a trace. "Vhy else would I look like this, feel like this?" he asks, holding up his clawed hands like they're some kinda explanation. "God made me like this.. und then zey taught me vhat to do. They vere right. I'm a weapon. And now I know vhat for." He grins, manic glee twisting his features into someone I don't know. "Don't you see Logan? I'm the answer. All this pain, this war, ve have strayed so far from what He vishes. Someone has to make it right, someone has to stop zem. And that someone's me." His eyes are burning, without a trace of sanity left in them. He goes on, rambling about angels and reckonings, but I don't hear him. I've only got one thought in my mind, loud enough to drown out anything he's saying. Christ. Jesus fucking Christ. Jean was right. "I don't expect you to understand," he's says, oblivious to anything but what he's trying to tell me. "I don't blame you, not anymore. You can't help vhat you've been chosen to do. " His hands unclench from my shirt but he doesn't move away, instead stepping closer until I can feel the heat of his body against mine. Feel the smoke of his breath against my cheek. "Before he gave Christ to ze Romans Judas marked him vith a Kiss," he whispers, his voice low and sad as he raises a hand up between us, rests it over my heart. He used to do that after we fucked, hand on my chest to feel my heart beating. "Would you give me no less?" I don't want to, I don't want to admit to myself that this broken creature is the same kid who fought beside me, shared my bed, shared my life. The one I drove away, drove to This. "My Judas," he murmurs, so soft even my ears can barely hear it. His lips are a breath away from mine and even though I try not to, all I can think about is how it felt to kiss them, how they felt wrapped around my cock, how they curled up in the corners when he used to smile shy at me from across the room. Oh Fuck. My poor, poor broken boy. "My betrayer," his lips finally find mine as his hand slips below my waistband and I don't stop him, don't do anything but kiss him back. He tastes like lust but his scent's calm, accepting why I'm here, what I've got to do. I close my eyes and deepen the kiss with all my regrets, everything we ever had between us. I'm sorry for what I did, I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It seems to stretch on forever then Kurt's pulling away, those sad eyes fixed on mine. Then he slips the needle out of my side and I realize just what he's done as it heals over and the chemicals rush through my veins like fire. Good boy. Clever boy. I roar and slash at him, feel the soft give of flesh before he teleports away. There's blood on my claws but not enough to have stopped him. And the stuff he's shot me up with is good, it's already blurring my eyesight as he reappears across the room, dark smoke everywhere and a knife flashing bright in his hand. "I can't let you kill me Logan" he says, his scent just as neutral as before. No spike of adrenaline to warn me, nothing to give him away. Not because he was going to let me kill him, because he knew I couldn't. Shoulda smelled it, shoulda known. I'm growling, claws out, but there's no fear in him as he steps closer, smiling at me as my vision starts going black around the edges. "There's still too much to do Logan, so much.." he trails off, but those mad eyes of his never leave mine. I should have known, should have known what he'd become from the start. Xavier must have but he couldn't help him, and now I've failed him just the same. Stood aside as he became the demon the world always saw him as, and then let him loose on them. He steps closer and I lunge at him, but he's already behind me, the knife in his hand sliding in neat and easy between my ribs. His blood joins with mine as he leans in and gives the knife a good hard twist, crooning sweet and low under his breath. Whatever he had in that needle's better than I thought. I ain't healing properly and he must have hit something big because I'm bleeding out fast. I try to reach around, find him with my claws, but end up stumbling forward instead, my head hitting the ground with a sickening crack. Then Kurt's looking down at me with that little boy smile still sweet on his lips. "Goodbye Logan." When I wake up he's already gone. | 
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